Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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