We're facebook friends in real life
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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