The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize