My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wear drunk well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
