you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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