They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
