i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
