Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
