Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
