we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
