he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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