No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
