Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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