you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
