now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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