If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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