id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
