Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
