I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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