Jerry, you need to find god
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
wow bdsm is so cute
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
