how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
