I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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