I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
