the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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