Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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