Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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