I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
