Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
