insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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