did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
