alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
