she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
