my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
