I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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