3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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