You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
