I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
