so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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