Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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