i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
