Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
