What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
