walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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