Do you still have your period?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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