Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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