I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
