I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
