That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
