I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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