you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
