I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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