My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
