just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
