Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
