So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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