he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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