he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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