my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
