There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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