He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
