kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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