Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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