See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I forget how to act sober
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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