Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
