I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
