I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
