If i come over, it means nothing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize