6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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