I want to make a zoo with you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
