rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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