Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
