The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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