it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
