so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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