Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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