sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
