How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
