Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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