i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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