erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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