I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
