please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
