Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
