Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
