shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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