the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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