By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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