Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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