i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm getting married
To pizza
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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